Quagmire.

I don’t know whether I’m more upset to know the truth or not knowing.

I find Rihanna’s love the way you lie and what’s my name inherently irritating to the ears. Why would anyone want to be lied to? I mean, I’d rather to have love and hurt than to be the only fool who doesn’t know the truth. I don’t want people to call me cute or pretty either. I used to want to be called beautiful, no one has ever done that. No one.

Short is fine with me. This is just a random rant because my emotions are garbled I cannot hear my thought to even string anything that makes sense. I’d rather hurt, I’d rather be numbed. I don’t want to feel this anymore. I’m jotting this down to let go. How I wish I can just sift my thoughts – to know the truth and accept it and move on.

I have my whole life ahead of me, if I deem you unimportant in my life to give a shit; I will leave. I want to move on to better prospects, to a life where people actually love me for who I am. I want to be the number one person in someone’s life. I want to matter and make something out of myself, and out of this life of mine. To make changes, to look back and not regret. For someone to look at me every time and still have that smile like they first fell in love with me. Love is not an emotion or a forced action, it’s how you know what lies in their deepest recesses and when it all comes down to it only you and I share that elysian.

Nothing is set in stones. Love is not a moving emotion, it’s a conscious effort to keep the sparks alive.

 

 

p/s: Dear God, please send me someone who would love me as I would him too.