Timing. again.

For the past month, being hiatus here means actually living my life out there. Also I found an easier alternative to blogging, Dayre by Tim, co founder of Nuffnang. 

Suffice to say I love it, so much easier to upload photos and pen down my immediate thoughts and feelings and such. But unlike my blog that still have visitor, my Dayre is practically empty despite writing quite frequently. Being socially apt on the media has never really a priority, although I do aprreciate the occasional hellos and you are noticed would be nice.

Right now, I wish I could just take back my words and pretend nothing happened.

Impeccable timing, I wish to have.

Dyslexia

I like to believe I live in the better part of Malaysia, when I was younger everything was relatively free, to speak, to learn, to run, to laugh, to hear, friendship that knows no colour. I am blessed that my parents have provided a safe and healthy environment for me to grow, to have an older sibling who reads for leisure, books were my first friends and reading was never difficult, especially the 3 main spoken languages.

There was even an occasion where we had a Disney encyclopedia that has to be read from a mirror because it is intentionally printed backwards, has anyone seen that book?

Even with this privilege, I still find it hard to express myself sometimes, when I come across a good book or good movie that speak bounds, I cannot help my fascination and amazement that I shed a tear or two.

For those with reading disability or even speech impairment, I will not pretend I understand how you feel, but I pray that one day if i meet someone like that, I will do my best to help. You have my word. 

A glimpse of freedom.

More often it is exhilarating to be able to feel the adrenaline rush, hot flushes, reasons for roller coasters to be popular for thrill-seekers, and having my fair share of endorphin & serotonin makes me realise, I am indeed, alive.

Alive enough to be awake for more than 48 hours, this is a huge leap for a person who takes sleeping as a hobby. My weekend started off on a Friday this time, classes on as usual, grateful for a change in which the lecturer delivers what was promised in class, funny how the littlest thing like this is what makes a difference between dozing and full attention. When class was over, I hopped on the train and enjoyed letting my mind wonder to where it wants, listening to the sound of the moving train, the passing sky scrapers and the occasional brush of different fabric against my exposed wrist while I hugged my bag, seated. Times like this means freedom, to enjoy life at its pace without feeling rushed or slowed, oh and before I forget, I have stopped wearing watches.

Spending time with people who are enthusiastic and young, the energy transfers while I observe them, and they me. They wonder if I am just like them, and having been in their shoes I am happy to share an experience or two when asked; otherwise I am content to be a wallflower, capturing moments with blinks and before I know it, Saturday came.

Shopping with a purpose and for another person is an experience that everyone should have, its no wonder there were so many reality tv shows that puts people in shopping sprees! This drains energy almost immediately when stopped, the search is over. As I slowly drove in hopes to rest for a little before evening Mass, I find myself in the middle of conversations and familiar faces, infectious smiles that leads to another adrenaline pump.

Maybe I sound incoherent to most, penning my weekend down as I remember, meeting people from all walks of life, one who play games for a living; one pursuing his passion, a japanese writer who speaks mainland mandarin chinese, a couch surfer, inspiring lawyer to be, silly jokes and many firsts experiences, truly, an eye opener. Even as the night unfold itself, into the deep of the night, soul searching and thought provoking questions, I answered them truly and intently as my listeners, and yes time creeps and this time, it says – 5 a.m.

The atmosphere and temperature was just right, as my eyelids decide to rest in class and was told off; embarrassed, I swear I blink every 5 seconds to keep awake, successfully sustained until lunch break. I went down to memory lane to eat one of my favourite Malaysian dish, and later found myself drawn to a florist who eventually gave me an irresistible offer plus a free and quick education on flowers, which makes you wonder why we humans are so busy chasing the meaning of life and what ifs, when life presents itself in front of us, either you recognise and play along or the moment just passes you by.

To be kind is also another freedom I have learnt to be grateful for, even if its just a gesture of sending a friend to her house or to the airport, it will always be an opportunity that comes with better sleep, a smiling one.

Giving, First quarter.

An enormous achievement! Time has pass me by so quickly that it has been almost a month since my last entry; I feel tiggeriffic! Great news and shocking news all in the month of February, where do I even begin?

Too lazy to scroll down if I had actually written down new year’s resolution, because they are difficult to keep; I do have one, and this I have been doing unconsciously for the past years, growing up and living alone, hence the freedom to do so. What is it you ask? It is to help people, in whatever way I can, to make a difference in their lives, to inspire them, anything, in short, to give while I still can.

This is by no means in order because my memory is like a goldfish, jotting things down off the top of my head before they vapourise.

I have started picking up my law again, whoever is reading this please give me a virtual kick in the behind if I don’t keep to this, exams are in August, I will be ready!!! Come hither!

Chinese New Year Holiday was terrific, food galore, friends galore, beach and sun and fish galore. You get the point. This time my colleague and a friend visited Sabah because I have been announcing to the whole world what a great place it is, boy was I terrified, being an actual host/ tour guide and mind you it was Chinese New Year, that means all the good food places will be closed, the horror!! I must say things eventually turned out to be great, Ah Mei had her fair share of gambling, seeing local fruits and strutting in her Guess heels (rolled eyes) around my grandaunt’s 4 acres land/muddy ground, recognising all the fruit trees and wanting to take all of it back to Malacca, hilarious but not serious, no fruits were harmed, all we did was take photos. Mike on the other hand was happy enough to be driving a truck and eating all the seafood and just chilling with beer, had at least one beach visit and dived for the first time, that did not go too well because equalisation was harder that he thought.

All in all I think they had fun, and towards the end of the trip Ah Mei actually won the lottery, number being the car I lent to them, what are the odds?

This is considered making friends happy, one down, nine to go.

Today I went for my medical checkup. A month ago my doctor said it would be my last, I kept my fingers crossed, held my breath for a month, and as usual went to say hello to my psychiatrist before the neurologist. As I waited and took a queue on the long line to register, it was unusually packed with grumpy people. I sat down next to a gentleman whom I later found out had waited for more than an hour just to pick up his medication, seeing him being angry made me realise the change in me; I am no longer the impatient imp who throws tantrum and turn as red as a beetroot, yes I turn red when I am angry, waiting is my ultimate pet peeve and to think I used to take pride in being punctual and judged everyone else who was not.

There was nothing I could do for him because the nurse had already tried explaining and reassuring him that it will be his turn soon. When it was my turn I thought that this grumpy man would have affected my mood at least a tincy wincy bit; to my own surprise an automatic smile came as I greeted the doctor, informed him of my recent activities, 5 minutes and I was out. Hurray!

Have I mentioned that this hospital actually bake their own bread? Yeah, and you can actually see them baking if you happen to get admitted and bored. I took my lunch and for the months that I have visited the doctor, the nurses at the neurology department do not have lunch break, I know because I have waited from 8am to 6pm; so I happily picked the yummy looking pastries, which I secretly would like to have for myself and quietly passed it to the nurses and sat patiently in the waiting area. Two conversations took place; one with an elderly man who was from Singapore and another lady who appears to be local, they were both showing dissatisfaction with the service, the lady had waited since yesterday and at that time it was already half past one, she looked like she could swallow a whale if her turn doesn’t come soon. I just casually told her that sometimes the doctor attend to emergency cases that requires immediate attention, like car accidents where a person’s head is cracked opened like an egg; I can see she did not expect that. She then continued talking in a calmer manner and shortly her turn came.

I could see the relief in her face after, also the nurses thanked me for lessening their burden, another patient’s testament is better than the nurses speaking for themselves, the aunties and uncles usually just turn a deaf ear and continues grumbling and fussing over the counter.

And hey, that is two down I guess?

Looking forward to my first hen’s night, a cousin’s wedding, and an Airshow!!

p/s: on the sad side, I have not been in contact with the Kelinga, whom I miss very much. Please know that when I have news, like the Red bull Airshow, I do think of you.

-__- EyeBrows

When my eye level was still my parents’ pants pockets and handbags, my father told my mother, it went something like this – if she does any eyebrow tattoo or any modification to her face, he will leave her; as though the changes will turn her into a ugly witch. At that innocent period, I didn’t think much of it.

Right to a point, when I started noticing 2 of my friends; then it became 10; and that number continues to increase with time, that grooming their eyebrows is as important as going to the salon to fix one’s hair and it’s a fashion statement and boy was it loud.

Yes – I see it; I hear it; I get offered to do it; declined it many times; because God is fair, my eyebrows are shaped to compliment my lined Chinese eyes, and yes, it does always seem to fall in between fashion. Eye brow pencils and threading were the least of my concerns, my voice echoes louder than my frame and my eyebrows have drawn enough eyes, through my profession as well as my personal life.

As of tomorrow, 22nd of January – it will be exactly 6 months since I had a bleeding profusely forehead injury accident in which my right eyebrow was affected. Quite painfully that I can recall, I was saddened by the fact that it did; I could not even count the number of stitches I have, and morale was at its newest low, not to mention regret. I joked about getting plastic surgery then, but now that I think of it; can surgery correct eyebrows?

More to; why eyebrows?

I found this, “Some are born with great eyebrows, some achieve great eyebrows, and some, have great eyebrows drawn to them’. Quite rightly so.

When words alone are not enough to make a point across, body language through facial expression, specifically the eyebrows -speaks. Imagine a clown (Ronald Mcdonald is a good example); imagine women who spend a fortune buying cosmetics; imagine the health industry who rake in cash like nobody’s business, all of these – to express themselves in ways; where if eyebrows are rubbed off nobody would be taken seriously!

Thanks to a great friend, I have managed to reduce my scars to about 20 percent, almost unseen to the naked eye unless they are really interested in my eyebrows and staring at me eyeball to eyeball, it is hardly noticeable. Once again, I am thankful for my eyebrows to have grown in the right place; and thank you to the doctor who did not shave my eyebrow when I was stitched up 6 months ago. I still think about the accident from time to time, some days I am glad; some days I still break into cold sweat – which is absolutely normal. To be close to normal again, with the occasional random outburst of ridiculous laughter on a chilly weekend, roasting marshmallows and acting weird with weird friends is a-okay.

Adding to the list of my personal achievement, to enjoy the little things in life –  To eyebrows and marshmallows. *clinks champagne class*

Be the change you want to see

Ghandi, among others, are testament to his words and actions, seeing it for myself is almost as good as living it.

It is only the 12th day of this year, the idea of volunteering seem closer to my heart, to know that I can reach out to others and make a difference. This is not about me, it is about how needing this world has always been, being alive today and surviving has given me a wider spectrum. What if others can see and have the chance to be something greater? If I can make that happen for 10 people this year, I am grateful to God.

To those 10 people or more, be ready.

Resistance

Just when I am starting to pick myself up again and planning my year ahead with a kickass planner, with holidays marked and classes to take and friends to meet, and that I project that this year will be good, yes it is a Great year to be, for the umpteenth time I forgot to put in the most important factor – change.

Knowing that what I have planned is just a plan, random things will crop up; like how two days ago I almost invited everyone I know that loves a good run to a Blindfold run, yes a Blindfold run. A duo team where one leads and one is blindfolded, after texting everyone I know, I reread the faqs, it was held in 2013. 😦 Okay, so that did not go too well.

Moving on, coffee is now my new best friend, the sweet kind, I am still unable to ingest bitter tasting food/drinks. Good news from all walks are happening, some of my friends might be able to achieve KPIs this year, I am really happy for them.

This year, I plan to love myself more, to take care of myself and to once again remember who I am within. I went through some old stuff, and my, was I a confident chick or what, I knew who I was and what I am capable of, facing the world with arms wide open. I love what I do, and I am able to express it confidently; I am jet setting myself to find that girl again.

No more resistance, change is good.

Maturity is when you are hurt and fall again and again, you try to understand the situation and learn to stand up again without hurting others.

Fred the tortoise.

Why did I even name the tortoise Fred?

It is unclear to me why, and probably only two souls in this world remembers this name; now that Fred is gone, by gone I mean he wandered off I think.

On days when I remember Fred I would smile, and it will lead to the memory of my first pet, Oscar. That I remember why, I named my fish Oscar because I love Sesame Street as a child, and continued to love Sesame Street, my favourite characters being Oscar the grouch who lives in a garbage bin and the blue cookie monster.

Also names which only a handful of people know.

I believe I somehow will have amnesia, the fear that I will forget things, sifted through my tiny frame and disappearing into the abyss of goodness know where. So today, I chose to remember Fred, Oscar and the blue cookie monster; also, I never liked the attention seeking Elmo. Even at such an early stage I recognised that such a trait is never something that I will emulate. Thank you, breastmilk; the best gift that I will ever receive in my lifetime.

Smiling gets easier.

Peering through what has been foggy lens, selective memory does not apply to me because I did not choose to forget; it just slowly fades and sift through and pops out on occasion.

A good memory trigger would be places; that song when it happened, that fleeting moment. Recent one would be Batu Lintang, where in a tiny car with two person who somehow managed to take the car for a swim, underestimating the depth of the water during a heavy monsoon. What felt like an eternity ago; as I approach the place again, I could see it happening, vividly.

Rain, river, sea, swimming pool and other forms where water appears, happens to centre around images and events with strong imprints and scars to remind me.

I was wrong; memories Are the best thing in the world.

p/s: Thank goodness for the Roberts in the 16th Century and the dawn of digital cameras.

Life’s Antidote.

Two beings from the opposite sex being friends eventually creates attraction; it is only natural because we are visual creatures. An infectious smile can be interpret in so many ways it confuses the one on the receiving end, and how one chooses to respond confuses the situation even more.

If being nice is a crime, I should be sitting in a jail rotting my entire life. Whenever someone is nice to me, I respond in kind, and sometimes I do not know how to respond appropriately.

This coming Christmas, I pray for the nicety in the hearts of many,

and to learn to respond timely and aptly.

Although I have a seemingly interesting and happy change, a big chunk of it goes to you, even if you feel that I am not doing anything to respond or maybe you think I am ignoring you, believe me I am trying very hard not to.

A once upon a time trait that was used to describe me; now I will use it to describe you, irresistibly attractive in so many ways which I have yet to experience with anyone else. If you have been putting off seeing me and avoiding me, please don’t, your companionship means a lot to me, more than you know – if hugs/smiles are the antidote then I will give both.

 

Happy New Year from AGL.